How to Be Old, Lesson 1

A trick for opening a stuck lid.

I’ve been young a long time. My chronometer says 78.4685 years, which is long for a human but short for a rock. I know a lot of rocks. It helps to have perspective.

I still work. A lot. I’ve outgrown getting paid, though my work is still valuable. (Or so I believe.)

But it’s hard to open jars now. Also to climb trees, but that’s an expired skill. Opening jars is not.

Oddly for an ordinary dude, I took pride for most of my life in my skill at opening jars. All one needs, I taught myself, is enough grip in each hand to lock onto the jar and lid, then using one’s fixed wrists and forearms like long-handled wrenches. Does the job.

I once mistook the old-fashioned crown cap of a beer bottle for a more modern twist-off one, and got the cap to turn in circles while perforating the web of my hand next to my thumb. Now, even for twist-off caps, I need a channel-lock pliers (recommended). My hands won’t do it.

So here’s how I loosen the metal lid of pasta sauce jar, especially when the running-hot-water-over-the-lid method fails:

  1. Put a small metal pan on low heat.
  2. Wait until the surface gets to about 130°, then turn it to simmer, or the lowest possible value, so it holds that temperature. To check, use an infrared thermometer laser gun-like gizmo. They’re cheap online: less than $20, tariffs withstanding.
  3. Stand the jar, lid down, on the pan, while watching the temperature adjacent to it. Don’t let it get above 150° or so.
  4. Allow enough time for the lid to heat up a bit.
  5. Take it off, and use your thermo gun to make sure it’s cool enough to grab.
  6. Now you can twist off the lid.

Works every time for me, and I am now certifiably weak. (But not too weak to type this.)

You’re welcome.



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